I am one of those (tacky, insipid people that falls prey to clichés) women who finds tattoos wildly attractive. Let me rephrase that: The strategically-placed, well-sized, appropriate number of tattoos is sexy. To me, that says, I’m badass and feral, but not reckless enough for VD. Which is, you know, desirable.

But there are obviously limitations with tattoos. There are rules, things you should be aware of. As a veteran tattoo-e, allow me to share some of those limitations and considerations with you.

Leanne’s Rules of Getting Ink

1. This is forever. Realize that this will grow old with you; it will fade, and possibly stretch (depending on where you tatt). You can remove tattoos, but why? I hear the removal process is even more painful than the application process, which in my experience hurt like a bitch (And anyone who says otherwise is lying). The first rule is: Are you sure you want this?

2. Location, location, location. Inevitably, people you don’t want to find out about your tattoo, will. Also, many professions forbid visible tattoos. You might be fulfilled working in a record store at age 26, but what happens when you want to move up to mid-level management? Or, mercy me, go to law school to become an attorney? You will have to accommodate your ink job forever; this could mean never being able to wear skirts or certain shoes or tops to work for women, or having to always wear long-sleeved shirts or collared jackets on the job for men. Be careful. Plus, certain body parts look really stupid with a tattoo on them. You can figure that out yourself.

3. Inking someone’s name on your body is generally a bad idea. Do you really want your current girlfriends name forever etched on your bicep? This is not a way to demonstrate commitment or devotion. Buy a puppy instead. The only successful name tattoos I can think of are of those you are related to by blood—a child, a sibling, a parent or grandparent. Full exclusion of the name rule is when you tattoo someone’s name after they have passed. That is completely different.

4. Be able to (correctly) explain the tattoo yourself. There are certain kinds of tattoos that are so totally cliché, I find myself wondering if the tattoo artists are just humoring stupid people. How many people who can’t read or speak Japanese, Chinese, Sanskrit, Thai, or some other equally uncommon tongue, have an Asian symbol inked on their body? The reason I say you should be able to explain the tatt yourself instead of straight-up speaking the language is because many people are introduced to elements of a language or culture without knowing the language or belonging to the culture themselves. That is different from walking into a tattoo parlor and picking a cool-looking symbol out because, at that moment, you’re okay with the idea of having (what someone tells you is) “strength” in Chinese tattooed on your back.

5. Understand that you are participating in a trend. You are unique … just like everyone else. As soon as the ink dries, you will run into three people with an identical design, and even more with a tatt in the same location. Be okay with the fact that tattoos can be incredibly sexy and attractive, but they are not rare.

6. Get the tattoo because you want the tattoo. Realize that some people will be horrified in your choice. It is inevitable that you are related to or will date someone who is singularly disgusted in your choice of body décor. If you want the tattoo badly enough, this won’t matter. If you are seeking acceptance, or confirmation of your “coolness”, this will definitely disappoint you. Also, your children will never think it makes you cool.

7. Think twice (or three, four, five times or more) before inking a place that will stretch. I have never understood women who tattoo their bellies or their breasts for this reason (There isn’t a fair comparison for men). Even if you never plan on having children, those two areas will stretch out as growing older and gravity take their toll on your body. Regardless of how supple or taut you feel you are right now, you will not always be. Plan accordingly.

8. Do not ink under the influence of alcohol, drugs, stress, the elation of a new relationship, or if you are at all uneasy about the process, the design, or anything connected to your potential tattoo. Self explanatory.

9. Choose your design wisely. If you are a woman, I can assure you that there are approximately 14.9 million American women out there who totally thought their butterfly/rose/fairy tattoo was original. Same goes for men with military emblems (I know they’re now illegal, but whatever, somehow I’ve still seen many), dragons, and snakes (What’s with the reptilian approach, guys?). Ditto for religious symbols, from the crosses to the Om symbol. Now, I’ve seen some really impressive fairies, crosses, even dragons, but you should know those are very popular designs. As are Celtic knots. And especially with religious emblems, you will be asked to explain the significance again and again, even if you are a practicing member of the faith. Especially when your conservative relatives catch glimpse.

10. Be sure it’s what you want to do. Ultimately, tattoo’s can be flat-out sexy, and they definitely emit a certain kind of image. But regardless of the hoo-ha surrounding them, it’s your call. If you want to tattoo Papa Smurf on your buttock, and you’re sure about that, well then, God bless.